T.J. Hicks:
See this ring? Topaz, my mother's birthstone. Know where I got the money for it?
Deuce Bigalow:
Where?
T.J. Hicks:
Man-whoring! See this keychain? Mini yo-yo. Know where I got the money for it?
Deuce Bigalow:
Man-whoring?
T.J. Hicks:
Stock market! But I got the money for the stock market from man-whoring.
T.J. Hicks:
I prefer to be called a male madame. Wait, that didn't sound right.
T.J. Hicks:
Don't make me he-bitch man-slap you!
T.J. Hicks:
You know, Antoine's got a really bad temper. One time, I dropped a cigar ash on his carpet, and he made me pick it up with my anus.
Detective Fowler:
Do the letters T. and J. mean anything to you?
Deuce Bigalow:
I don't know Turkey Jizz?
T.J. Hicks:
God damn white boy.
T.J. Hicks:
What about Antoine's apartment?
Deuce Bigalow:
I'm gonna get the rest of the money the old-fashioned way.
T.J. Hicks:
You gonna steal it?
Bartender:
There you go. That's uhh... $11.50.
Deuce Bigalow:
Ahh, no, no. Perhaps you misunderstood me. I wish to cancel my original order of the martini and two olives, and go for just the plain cranberry juice, by itself, for the three dollars. And I apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you.
Bartender:
Ahh, perhaps you don't understand. Ahh... if you don't pay me now, I'm going to uhh... take this swizzle-stick, and uhh... I'll be shoving that right up your pee-hole.
Antoine Laconte:
Must make peepee.
Deuce Bigalow:
I couldn't help overhearing your Spanish
Claire:
It was French
Deuce Bigalow:
Oui, French... Nice people.
Deuce Bigalow:
Look, I think there's been a mistake.
Fluisa:
Did you say steak?
Deuce Bigalow:
No mistake.
Fluisa:
Oh now you got me all excited.
Antoine Laconte:
This is a fourteenth century Hungarian cross-bow, it killed the king, and changed the history of Europe. If anything happens to my apartment... I'll shove it up your ass.
Deuce Bigalow:
Where am I supposed to get three THOUSAND dollars in three weeks?
Deuce Bigalow:
Wow! What are those?
Antoine Laconte:
Medieval weapons. I'm a collector. There worth twice as much if they've killed somebody.
Deuce Bigalow:
I collect Canadian quarters... I got about six of em...
Fluisa:
Cakes And Pies! Cakes And Pies!
T.J. Hicks:
Claire said Antoine's apartment was messed up, but I had no idea.
Deuce Bigalow:
Claire?
T.J. Hicks:
The hooker you ass-punched.
Kate:
I don't understand why women do it. I don't see how they can get any pleasure from it. It's gross and unnatural. It's not supposed to go up there. Frankly, I don't even understand why men want that kind of thing either.
Deuce Bigalow:
So you're opposed to women being involved in modern space exploration?
Kate:
Absolutely! Frankly, I'd rather take it up the butt
Bailiff:
That's a huge bitch!
[referring to Kate]
Megan:
You stay away from her, man-whore!
Antoine Laconte:
Don't answer my phone or do not drive my car or else I will kill you!
T.J. Hicks:
Deuce, You the best he-bitch in my man stable, if i had two more manginas like you, I'd be a millionaire.
[Ruth has Tourettes Syndrome]
Ruth:
Fart! Dildo! Big, Big, Big Titties!
[looks at old couple]
Ruth:
SHIT! SHIT WHORES!
